Steps
1
Stop over-thinking.
Although this may sound harsh, you are not the most important person in
the world, at least not to everyone. Most of the time, when you think
you are being judged, you probably aren't. It's just too hard to judge
every single person you meet, analyzing their flaws and imperfections
like they're a test you're grading.
- One way to test this is to push your limits a little and do
something that is a bit out of the ordinary for you. See how people
react. Chances are that only your “friends” will notice the change and
make comments, but a random stranger really won’t care.
- Learn to catch yourself when you start over-thinking. Recognize this pattern of abuse and do something
to overcome it. For example, every time you over-think, force yourself
to compliment an aspect of your personality. This should help to give
you a better self-esteem:
- "Thinking is good. I pay attention to all the little details. I
notice things that other people don't notice, but I should use this
ability to be positive, not negative."
- "I care about being good at something. No one can achieve
perfection, but I try to put my best foot forward. If I fail or
underperform, it's not like I didn't try. That's all I can do."
- "I care about principles. I have values, and I try to live by them.
The world doesn't always work the way I want it to, but that doesn't
mean that I'll stop trying. I will accept it when it doesn't."
2
Put things into perspective.
People who obsess about what other think tend to put ‘issues’ under the
microscope and can't see the forest from the trees. People who don't
obsess about what other people think tend to look at the big picture.
You only get one chance at life; are you going to allow other people’s thoughts make it less enjoyable? Sounds silly now, doesn’t it.
- Give it some time. Apart from the fact that life really is too short
to worry about things like this, the other aspect is that people’s
feelings change. For example, say one moment people insult you for
wearing yellow shoes, giving you the impression you shouldn’t wear them.
What if this person's opinion changes, and they start wearing yellow
shoes themselves? People change their minds, so what they think now
might not matter in the future.
- Make a list of all the things that you are grateful for. Putting it
into a list really helps. It makes things tangible, more real. Once you
see everything that has gone right for you — maybe your family, your
intelligence, your health — you begin to realize that life is more about
what you do have than what you don't have. Be appreciate of what life gives you, not resentful of what it doesn't.
- Take pleasure in the small things in life. Begin to see beauty in
everyday things, like a child playing with a dog. Take comfort in
everyday things, like a warm cup of tea. Find happiness in everyday
things, like a story about overcoming hardship, told by your friend.
3
Be confident in yourself.
What if we could eliminate the amount of times we second-guess
ourselves? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to
simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking.
- Have you never seen someone who is sporting something out of the
ordinary, but just seems normal and isn't being judged? If you are
wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable about them, people
are going to target you: they can see your insecurity and they'll attack
you in order to feel better about themselves. Don't pre-judge yourself before others do; they'll be less like to judge you in the first place!
- Here are some small, but powerful, self-confidence boosters that you can try on for size:
- Smile. The act of smiling may boost your self-esteem organically, science suggests.[1]
If you smile more often, you send messages to other people that you are
friendly, and they'll be more likely to smile back, be happy, and even
forgive you.
- Visualize success. Don't think about the "what if I fail...?"
thought that is probably wandering around in your head. Instead, think
to yourself: "How will I succeed?"
- Break down goals into small pieces. Don't set yourself up for
failure. Set yourself up for success. If your goal is to be more
confident around guys (or girls), break the goal into small parts: eye
contact, conversation, flirting, etc. Reward yourself when you complete a
small part of each larger goal.
4
Learn to control your emotions.
When you start to push your limits and get more confident, you'll
undoubtedly have mixed emotions. From stress, worry and fear, to relief
and happiness, it can be a bit of a rollercoaster of the mind; that is
where controlling your emotions comes in. The simple practice taught by
Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:
- Be conscious of an emotion inside you — e.g. fear or worry
- Observe it within your mind
- Notice that if you are observing it, so it can’t be a part of you
- Watch the emotion disappear
- As soon as you observe an emotion, you are separating yourself from it and thus it can no longer exist.
5
Accept yourself for who you are.
Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do.
Everyone in the world is filled with some kind of doubt; it's all about
how they manage it. Luckily, there are things you can do that will help.
- First of all, think of all the things that you don’t like about
yourself and write them down. Now, look at them more closely and see if
there is a possibility to change them.
- For example, if you are thin and don’t like that, then look at ways
in which you can gain weight and bulk up. If you aren't willing to put
in the work to change something that is fixable, you don't have the right to complain about it.
- However, If you wish you were taller, that's not exactly something
you can change. Think about how your situation could be worse, for
example: if you are 5' 7" and really don’t like that, think about all
the all the people in the world who are 5'. You might not be at your
perfectly desired height but there are people who are “worse off,” and
presumably some of them who don't even mind that they are 5'.
- As time goes by and you realize how unimportant some of the things
you worry about actually are, life gets easier and your constant concern
starts to plummet as your confidence rises.
Tips
- Nothing you do is stupid, you truly have immense worth, and the
things that you do are amazing. Don't put yourself down for the things
that you think are stupid, believe it or not, there is ALWAYS a friend
that thinks you are amazing and thinks everything you do is funny and
cool.
- The world does not revolve around you - almost everyone you pass in your life has more on their minds than how you look or act.
- Realize that you are your own person and ultimately the only one in
charge of your own actions and feelings. You cannot control other people
but you can control how you react and feel about them. Be yourself!
life is simply not fun if you are too worried about pleasing/offending
other people that you can't even have a personality! Truth is, not
everyone is going to like you anyway so why bother trying? Let them get
mad over petty stuff if they want to, but don't become a victim of that
kind of stupidity and small-mindedness. Just have fun.
- Some people say that what others think about you is a result of what
you think about yourself. This is true in that people who think highly
of themselves often have high confidence, which merits a positive
reaction, while people who think poorly of themselves often have low
confidence, which merits a negative reaction. This is NOT to say that
those who are mistreated deserve it, but a person's social success may
be dependent on their own self image if they're in a setting where
they're not largely judged by people who don't care what they think.
- When your life is sent away by those other thoughts forget them; just think of the positive people who help you in life.
- Ask yourself what it is that you are uncomfortable with doing.
- Is it worth doing in the first place? Your discomfort may be your
survival instincts telling you that it's a threat to your safety and
it's definitely not worth doing! For example, suppose someone who
lacks social skills asks you out, makes mistakes that make you feel
uncomfortable (like if s/he makes repeated unwelcome sexual advances),
and wants to try again and again the same way she or he practiced riding
a bicycle. Don't push yourself to act confident on more dates with this
person so you can try to feel comfortable having this person "practice"
on you. You're not a bicycle, and if you leave then he or she will
learn that what he or she did can drive people away.
- If something you are uncomfortable with doing is worth doing,
and your discomfort is more like stage fright instead of fearing that
your date will hurt you, can you see someone else doing it or is no one
else doing it? Either way, if you act confident, it won't show that you
aren't comfortable and in time you will become comfortable doing it.
- Remember this quote:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt.
Sumber: Wikihow
